


In Mourning

by The_Jade_Goblin



Category: Mortal Instruments Series - Cassandra Clare, Shadowhunters (TV)
Genre: Angst, M/M, and rafael's death, estranged family relationship, mentions of alec's death, super super angst
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2016-03-21
Updated: 2016-03-21
Packaged: 2018-05-28 03:08:48
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: Major Character Death
Chapters: 1
Words: 2,365
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/6312949
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/The_Jade_Goblin/pseuds/The_Jade_Goblin
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>Magnus Bane always wore black. Some thought it was mysterious, but others knew better.</p>
            </blockquote>





	In Mourning

**Author's Note:**

> based on a post I saw on tumblr (I can't remember the author of it though sorry)   
> it basically prompted that Magnus always wore black after Alec's death and didn't wear colour or pretty glitter anymore because he was mourning,  
> even hundreds of years afterwards.

Magnus Bane always wore black. It was his 'signature look' some people called it. Some people, like his close friends, knew better, but most thought the look very mysterious and sexy. Catarina watched her friend as he ambled toward her, weaving through the bodies of the party-goers, a deep scowl on his face. If anyone had told her that one day Magnus would loathe going to parties, she would have called them crazy.

 

“Cat, why do you keep dragging me to these things?” he muttered angrily as he sat beside her at the bar. “If I have to escape another handsy vampire I’m going to scream.”

 

“It's not my fault you're so desirable Magnus,” Catarina shrugged. “And you should get out more, have some fun.”

 

“Trust me, this is the least I've ever had.” Magnus mumbled.

 

Catarina sighed. It was always like this. She felt kind of bad for dragging Magnus with her whenever she discovered a new club or was invited to a party, but he never denied her invitations. Sure he grumbled, but he always went with her. Out of friendship or concern for her safety, or simply because he knew arguing with her was pointless, Cat didn't know. She didn't go to many parties really, but when she did it caused a stir, because everyone knew Magnus Bane would be beside her. There were whispers that they were lovers, but the two just rolled their eyes at that, not even bothering to try and stem that rumour. Cat herself was a beautiful woman, but it was Magnus that most eyes landed on. Magnus Bane was an elusive warlock, not many people had the privilege of laying eyes on his magnificent form these days, he was very private and didn't go out in public much. So to have Magnus at your party was not only an honour, but it was a source of fame.

 

Not that Magnus much cared for the parties they went to. He humoured Cat when she went out, wishing that Ragnor was still alive so he'd have someone to escape to when he'd had enough of drunken Downworlders and their wandering hands, but alas his circle of friends was small, and getting smaller every century. Sometimes Max would be at a party, but as soon as he heard about his father's presence he'd make excuses to leave, like he had on this night. Magnus didn't even try to stop him, knowing that encounters with Max ended up in argument, they had been fighting for at least have a century now. He didn't see much of his son anymore, Max was always abroad, and he'd write occasionally, but there relationship was somewhat strained these days.

 

“Stop sulking,” Cat chided.

 

Magnus blinked at her, his black eyeshadow making his golden cat eyes stand out in the dim lighting of the club. He almost disappeared into the dimness in his all-black outfit. It was fairly simple, nothing at all like the extravagant outfits he used to own. He looked quite dull in comparison to the rest of the room, with its pretty lights and flashing sparkly people. Cat sighed.

 

“Maybe we should leave?” she said gently.

 

“Finally,” Magnus sighed, and immediately got up.

 

Shaking her head, Cat got up and put on her coat, walking with Magnus to the door. Cat gave him a concerned look, but he didn't meet her eyes as they left. She'd suggested he move many times, but Magnus couldn't leave New York. Other than being High Warlock, the memories in the city kept him rooted in one place, in the loft he had been living in for years upon years, but he never went inside any longer. Nowadays, he lived in Cat's apartment, a place she had purchased to keep an eye on her dear friend. Living together wasn't like what it used to be, they had no good times now that Ragnor was no longer with them. Cat had tried to convince Magnus to come with her to Peru again, but Magnus had no taste for travel anymore. He's always loved Peru, it was his favourite place in the world, but everything to him seemed dim and boring now.

 

Two weeks later Cat had dragged him to another party, one that he was reluctant to attend, but as usual he went with her anyway. Max was there with his new girlfriend, and at her insistence he'd had to stay, not wanting to upset her by making her leave the party. Max stayed away from his father, and Magnus pretended he didn't even exist. The separation between them broke Cat's heart, for they had been so close when Max was a child. Mindy, Max's girlfriend, a Seelie girl with bright green eyes, was staring at Magnus from across the dancefloor in fascination. Magnus was paying no attention to the party, and especially not to the werewolf girl beside him trying to chat him up. He excused himself only to have a handsome vampire swoop in and give it a try, causing the warlock to roll his eyes and declare everyone in the room pathetic and drab. Not worth his time. Most people found this manner of Magnus's sexy, the aloof, cold and uncaring way in which he held himself attracted people, much to Magnus's chagrin. Cat knew better. Cat knew he was just bitter, his heart ice-cold and closed to the world, even her.

 

From across the room, Mindy turned to her boyfriend. “Why does your dad always wear black?” she asked Max. “I heard he never wears anything else. Why?”

 

“Because,” Mindy looked up then, to see Magnus towering over her, not even glancing at his son who was right beside her. “I'm in mourning.”

 

Mindy gave a soft gasp and lowered her eyes respectfully, while Max went to roll his eyes, only to stop himself at the last second.

 

“Dad's been dead for almost a hundred years,” Max muttered.

 

“And you think a hundred years is long enough to grieve for him?” Magnus raised a critical eyebrow at him. “You know nothing of grief Max.”

 

“I know enough to know who caused it.” Max scoffed.

 

“How dare you!” Cat was suddenly beside Magnus, glaring down at the blue-skinned boy. “You have no right to declare your father a murderer Maxwell Lightwood-Bane! Your dad's death was not his fault!”

 

“Cat!” Magnus snapped. “It's fine. Let him think what he has always thought. Let him continue to believe that if I wanted to I could have stopped it, let him believe that I’m a monster who lets his loved ones die before him over and over again. Let him be fool. He will learn in time.”

 

Magnus turned his sharp eye on Max, who looked down out of instinct, before forcing himself to glare up at his father.

 

“When your first love dies Max, let me know, and tell me if you found a way to preserve their lives. Tell me of the things you did to ensure their mortality did not separate you, tell me just how much it hurt to have your heart break at the realisation that nothing can change the ageing of mortals. Then we can talk. Then, you will know grief.” he sound icily.

 

He stalked away, having nothing further to say to his son. He didn't notice Max's face crumple into a look of guilt as his eyes slid to Mindy, who was very much mortal, and looking back at him in concern. Cat followed Magnus, putting an arm wordlessly around his shoulders, and they left the party, wandering down the cold winter streets of the city.

“He wouldn't want you and Max to fight like this,” Cat murmured.

 

“I know. It can't be helped though,” Magnus murmured. “Max has always blamed me. He thinks I have the answers for everything, and why shouldn’t he? I'm his father. I always had the answers when he was younger. But the answers were easier to give back then.”

 

“Alec's passing was never your fault.” Cat said, watching Magnus flinch at the name. “But is this truly the best way to teach Max that lesson?”

 

“He'll never understand until he loves a mortal and has to watch them die.” Magnus sighed. “It's cruel Cat I know, but he has always only learned things the hard way. He got that from Alexander. You think I don't want to spare him from that pain? I would if I could, but you know warlocks can't stop death.”

 

Cat just sighed in response. Alexander Lightwood lay dead and buried for almost a century now, but it seemed to hardly matter to Magnus how much time had passed. It always seemed like yesterday to him. For him the passage of time had come to a stop, never to move again. Black, the colour of mourning, was the only thing he wore now. And while others continued to think it a mysterious costume, Cat knew better. The only thing not black that he wore, was the wedding ring on his finger, now so old the inscription was barely visible, its metal no longer shining. He was mourning Alec, and he would always be mourning Alec, no matter how many parties Cat dragged him to or how many arguments with Max he had about it, that would never change. One day Max would understand his father's grief, and perhaps they could reconcile, but the Lightwood-Bane family would never be the same.

 

“He's bitter.” Magnus went on. “He misses his father, and he misses his brother. He thinks I could have saved them, he doesn't understand that magic can't solve everything like he seems to think. He's an idiot.”

 

“He lost his family Magnus,” Cat said softly.

 

“And I didn't?” Magnus's said sharply, his voice breaking. “You think it's easy watching your husband die? Watching your own son die? Knowing that nothing can slow the mortality of men? I'd sell my soul to the devil to bring them back, and Max damn-well knows that! I tried everything, all the black magic on this planet couldn't bring them back! He can take his bitterness and hang himself with it!”

 

“You don't mean that,” Cat murmured.

 

“No.” Magnus sighed. “Alexander would slap me for saying that. He'd be turning in his grave if he knew what me and Max have turned into, Rafael too. I failed them.”

 

“You didn't –”

 

“I failed my family Cat. I failed as a father and I failed as a partner, just like I’ve failed at everything always. I would have dealt with any demon to bring Alec back, to stop Rafael ageing. I tried. I tried to sell my life, my soul, anything that would strike a deal to save them, but no demon would deal. Not even my father would help me, he's too happy to watch me in misery.” Magnus ran a hand through his black hair. “Ah I shouldn't have said anything to Max tonight, I always make us fight, I should have shut up.”

 

Cat watched him with sympathy, but paused when she heard the clearing of a throat behind them.

“I always make us fight too...papa,”

 

Magnus turned, stunned to see Max awkwardly shuffling behind them. Cat took a step back and Magnus said nothing as Max shuffled closer, looking down at his feet.

 

“Mindy yelled at me,” he shrugged. “Got some things through to me...some things I should have listened to a long time ago.”

 

He looked at at Magnus, a bit his bottom lip. “I'm...sorry...papa...” he murmured. “I know dad's and Rafael's death wasn't your fault...I guess I just needed someone to blame and I...”

 

“I always had the answers,” Magnus finished.

 

“Yeah...” Max looked down guilty. “You really tried to sell your soul to bring dad back?”

 

“I did.” Magnus replied. “I don't know if it would have worked, but I was willing to try. Your father would have been so angry, he made me promise not to do anything like that when he passed away,”

 

Max bit the inside of his cheek, glancing up at Magnus again. Well rather down, he'd grown taller in his hundred years of existence.

 

“I'm glad...it didn't work.” Max said quietly. “I would have lost my whole family if it had...dad wouldn't want us to fight.”

 

“So now you care what Alec would want?” Magnus raised his eyebrow.

 

“Magnus he's trying to make amends,” Cat chastised.

 

“No it's okay, he's right Auntie,” Max sighed. “I've been a jerk for too long about it, I should be more mature than that, after all I’m 123 years old.”

 

“You'll always be my little blueberry to me,” Magnus said softly. “So the childishness is nothing new to me.”

 

“Thanks,” Max muttered sarcastically.

 

“And I understand Max. I do. You grew up thinking my magic was the solution to all our problems and then suddenly it wasn't, and you needed to blame me for the senseless deaths you saw. I've never been angry at you for that, I just wanted to give you time to be angry and calm down.” Magnus went on.

 

“I think I’m ready to calm down now, and earn your forgiveness.” Max said. “I...haven't been to visit dad...or Rafael since...”

 

“Should we go together? There's not a day that goes by that I don't visit your father and your brother. They'd appreciate your visit.” Magnus murmured.

 

Max nodded. Cat sighed, this time in relief. She excused herself, and went home as the two warlocks went on their way to the site their family was buried at. In time, they would learn to love each other as father and son again. In time, Magnus would one day shed his black clothing and once again don his jewelry and glitter. But today, today was for mourning. Today was for a father and son to mourn together. And if Max was wearing black the next day, and continued to wear black long after he and Magnus moved back into their old loft in Brooklyn, Catarina didn't comment. Though she did visit Alec Lightwood's grave, and smiled bitter-sweetly as she assured him his husband and son were doing just fine.

**Author's Note:**

> written for Downworlder Week


End file.
